Chapter 249, Writing a Diary from Scratch (Part )

After two days of sitting in front of the distant sea outside the hotel window, I forced myself to stand up again. I can't remember what I was thinking about during these two days, but I really don't want to experience the feeling of "being redundant" again.

These two days have allowed me to gradually get to know myself better. After all, the interaction between all the memories and my current mood is something I cannot deceive myself with.

Forget it, so be it.

I remember that the nurse once said that Renata was a bad girl with a lot of tricks. Now that I think about it, maybe she was right at all.

Just like now, I adjust my mood incredibly quickly, and all the anxiety disappears almost instantly.

Once people get used to indifference, it is really terrible.

For someone like me, maybe it’s a good thing that he hasn’t become dependent on me.

What I never expected was that things were far more complicated than I thought.

"Let's go back today."

I ate potato chips as if nothing had happened, as if I was talking to myself, but it set off a huge wave in my heart.

I suddenly realized that I had been neglecting one thing.

That is, I originally approached him with impure purpose, and now that purpose has not surfaced yet, and I was like the little girl in the idol drama, putting all my attention into the drama, naively thinking that the people around me were fools who didn't understand my feelings.

I'm the fool.

I was the one who didn't understand the situation the most.

The decision of whether to go back or end it is not in my hands.

I stared at the profile of Potato Chips blankly and nodded.

He walked into the apartment again with familiarity, found the key, and entered the house.

I put down the luggage in my hand, took off my coat, and sat down gently.

As soon as I sat on the sofa in the living room, I immediately smelled a reassuring scent. Although the house was empty at the moment, everything here was so familiar to me, just like a long-lost wanderer returning home.

……

fraud.

fraud.

They are all liars.

Six hours later, I saw him again.

He seemed to have lost weight, become a little darker, and his eyelids drooped listlessly, making people worry that he might suddenly fall asleep while walking.

Everything was a lie to me, even myself.

I sat upright, expressionless, staring at him intently, trying hard to control the increasingly twisted emotions in my heart - before my eyes, I watched his eyelids slowly lift, and the light in them slowly come alive, like a puppet being wound up and coming back to life.

Ling, you are not a good woman. Are you worried about him? Then why do you feel happy to see him become like this after leaving you?! ?

Maybe it was because we hadn't seen each other for a long time, or maybe my previous avoidance made him afraid, so he became more cautious.

Our dialogue was also somewhat silly, like lines from a third-rate script.

All of this makes me very uncomfortable.

Plus the fact that Potato Chips asked him to come back... that certainly couldn't have been Potato Chips's intention... I'm sure the boy in front of me is in a vortex that is targeting him, but he has no idea.

Maybe I didn't care. A guess suddenly flashed through my mind, and I was so shocked by this idea that I almost stood up. I racked my brains to deny this guess, but no matter how I denied it, this guess seemed so real and went straight to the core.

It turns out I was wrong again.

I originally thought that the beauty trap referred to the seductive singing and dancing, but it turns out not to be the case.

So I am the source of everything.

I lowered my head and wanted to escape from here, but Zero's order prevented me from leaving. I am such a bad person, the worst person.

I was the one who held him back.

I was afraid that one day, things would really develop as I expected, and I was also afraid that he would find out that the person sitting next to him was such a bad woman. So I tried to lay the groundwork from another angle and remind him.

I don’t know whether the effect of his realization was too good, or it had no effect at all.

His understanding and answer almost made me cry. I was happy and sad at the same time.

Sitting with my head down, I didn't dare to look into his eyes again.

But as I calmed down and sat quietly, that feeling slowly disappeared.

I swear I actually moved to the side a little bit, but he had to come closer.

I felt the dent in the sofa and knew he was cautiously moving towards me. Before I could recover from this sudden aggression, he had already come close to me, firmly pinning me down on the inside of the sofa.

As if he was afraid that I would run away again.

Then he started playing with his mobile phone peacefully, but I felt like my body was cast in resin, unable to move at all.

At this moment, I really didn't know whether to laugh or cry. This guy was really dishonest. He was still thinking about this kind of thing when so many things were bothering me. But then I calmed down because his body was always warm and comfortable in the past, but this time it was completely different. The cold sweat on his forehead had soaked my shoulders.

At first I thought he was the same type as Zero, the kind who could predict the future.

But slowly I rejected this idea.

He was too immature. Although sometimes he did not look like a grown-up boy, compared with those dragon kings, he was far lacking the sophistication that came with years.

I tilted my head and quietly observed his profile. He was still sleeping so peacefully, which made me quietly relieved. It seems that Renata has not lost her original role because she is a bad woman.

But his two black eyebrows were as usual tightly squeezed together. I don’t know where so many things came from for him to worry about, and he couldn’t even sleep peacefully.

I wanted to wake him up, but the hormones in my nose soon made me a little dizzy. Soon, the only sounds in my ears were his steady breathing and my somewhat abnormal heartbeat.

I quietly raised my hand and touched his neck, chin, earlobe, and finally his cheek.

Just like he used to touch me.

So, this is what it feels like.

He suddenly laughed, like a satisfied baby. I quietly lowered my head and looked at this little man from top to bottom. So much trouble, so much impetuousness, suddenly settled down. I was really easy to be satisfied. Just being relied on by him, I felt satisfied. Whether as a friend or...

Maybe these are not important.

Anyway, I was walking with him again, and it seemed like neither of us had changed.

When I was fully awake, I could feel that my body seemed to be slowly recovering, and the radiance and vitality were gradually restored and replenished along with his body temperature.

It was as if my entire being was prepared just for him.

(End of this chapter)