Chapter 248, Writing a Diary from Scratch (VI)

I didn't have a detailed plan for this sudden departure, but I had a clear idea of ​​it.

If all this is fake, it's all the suspension bridge effect, and if I really calm down quickly, I can go back soon and live peacefully as before, and I have a clear conscience; if not, then this will be the last time two people meet, and we will never go back.

It is hard to say which of the two results is better.

In fact, the calming effect during this period is not as good as it seems.

I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep that first night, so I sneaked out of the residence barefoot, ran like a fool for three hours, and ran to the window of his room.

But I wasn't looking for that warm embrace, I just wanted to see his sleeping face. But when I was about to open the window, I panicked, he was sleeping soundly on the bed, and I broke into the door in the middle of the night like a nympho.

All along, I felt that I had him firmly in my hand, and I knew everything about him. But now there was a crack in my hand, and he became sand, drifting away bit by bit.

But I was the one who panicked.

I am actually really stupid. My attention to him is so absurdly unbalanced, but I am still unaware of it, or rather, I am still trying to deceive myself.

-

"Help me test the saltiness."

I called out softly, scooped up the soup with a spoon, and carefully protected it with my hands as usual, then turned to look towards the kitchen door.

But the difference is that the doors and windows are gorgeous, there is no sofa outside the door, and there is no one there. The tall figure did not appear at the first moment.

I was stunned for a moment and put down the spoon dejectedly.

The little interest in my heart, along with the remaining appetite, disappeared in an instant. I had no choice but to put the dishes on a plate, cover it with plastic wrap, and put it in the refrigerator.

The first week of escape, this place is much quieter than I imagined.

My sudden departure without saying goodbye successfully aroused Potato Chips's gossiping mentality. She has been staying by my side for the past few days, either telling me happy things or dragging me to watch TV series together.

It took me three weeks to realize that I had left him, and then I could regain my composure in front of the chips.

I can't explain to anyone how I feel, and even if I do, others may not understand.

Seeing that I had returned to normal and became my carefree self again, Potato Chips left me aside.

I thought I had disguised myself very well, but I never expected that my disguise would be so easily exposed, or that they never believed it from the beginning.

During the lunch break that day, Jude Mai and I had a big argument in the private cinema of the mansion.

In fact, I could tell that they were just trying to provoke me.

Too obvious.

But when they mentioned the word "man", the first thing I always thought of was Utsunomiya Shuo. They were reminding me intentionally or unintentionally.

It was not until I walked away alone that I realized my palms were sweating. Even though I ordered myself not to be as violent as a shrew, I simply couldn't do it.

I picked up the phone several times that day and put it down again. To be honest, I wanted to call him every hour. I felt that at least two-thirds of my soul had left this city and flown to bustling Tokyo, and the remaining one-third could only barely sustain life and exercise.

That night, when Mai deliberately showed me her train ticket to Tokyo, I finally couldn't help it.

I went to Tokyo with them overnight, and subconsciously followed my feeling to the familiar apartment.

I looked at the time, 22:22. I remember this number very clearly. After hesitating for a long time, I finally pushed open the door.

In my imagination, when he saw me suddenly appear, he might be angry, or excited, but he would definitely be happy... I don’t know why I thought so, but the actual situation was different from all my assumptions.

The living room was quiet. There were no new clothes hanging on the balcony, but there was no longer a pile of clothes in the corner... He should have fallen asleep, I could hear his even breathing in the bedroom.

I go to bed early and get up early, and my life has not become the mess it was before. Everything is moving in a good direction.

Seeing these, I should be very satisfied and feel a sense of accomplishment, because without being modest, all of this is thanks to me...but it is difficult for me to be really happy.

After I left, he had begun to adapt to these things, to face these things, to get used to them. Would he gradually forget his previous life and forget about me? This worry troubled me more and more every time I saw his calm and peaceful sleeping face.

I didn't wake him up and left alone. I knew that Potato Chips went to see him the next day, but this time I didn't say anything and didn't know what to say.

I wishfully thought that the dependence between him and I was balanced. Just as I was distracted, he should be the same...but the reality was quite different from what I thought.

I kept comforting myself that I would get used to it and everything would be fine slowly. He could get used to the days without me, so why couldn't I get used to the days without him?

It really can't. After all, since ancient times, those who are unfeeling and disloyal are almost always men and prostitutes.

I always found excuses for him, saying that he was alone and had a lot of schoolwork, and he was not good at housework, so of course he would be very tired and it was normal for him to go to bed early. But I knew that I was actually still worried because his life was too clean and there was no trace of nostalgia.

I feel like I'm going to be sick.

But soon I started to worry about his poor life. No matter how peaceful the scene was, I couldn't blindly believe it was true. Because I didn't ask him in person and didn't see his straightforward eyes.

My sleep quality began to plummet, and even if I could fall asleep, I would be disturbed by all kinds of bizarre dreams.

I am worried that he is not living well, but I am also worried that he is living well.

The two emotions pulled my soul back and forth, making me unable to sleep or eat.

"no--"

I struggled to sit up from the bed, my hands stretched out in the air in a daze. Outside the window was a dark red, and the evening clouds were so thick that it looked like blood spilled on the glass.

It was another terrible nightmare. It was silent for a long time before I put down my stiff hands.

I feel like I'm really sick.

During the day, I would spend most of my time in his bedroom after he left, doing nothing. I would just curl up in a chair, staring at the head of his bed in a daze.

More than once, I picked up the paper and pen on the desk and wrote several pages full of convoluted and twisted words until there was no space left on the entire paper. The pen tapping on the table would wake me up instantly, and then I would tear up the entire paper full of words.

I might actually be sick.

In the end, I still didn't make up my mind to wait for him to come back.

After all, it was me who left without saying goodbye, but I was really worried, so I sent Potato Chips over while she was here too... I don't know if it was a joke, why Mai also wanted to go over. But I suddenly remembered the way he looked when he faced Mai before, and I felt uncomfortable for some reason. Very uncomfortable.

I had another fight with Mai.

When Potato Chips left, I was once again in a dilemma. I didn't know what kind of news she would bring me. If he was not doing well, I would definitely be sad, but what if he was doing well...

It turns out I'd be even sadder!

"He's doing well, eating and drinking a lot, and has gained a lot of weight since the last time we met. And I heard that he started studying hard, and his grades improved rapidly, as if he was cheating."

"Nothing else to say?" I asked as a routine question, but in my heart I was expecting something he would say. What would it be?

Potato Chips tilted his head back with his fingers pressed to the corners of his mouth, like a child who was randomly picked to check his homework.

"I didn't say anything, I just asked about your situation and told you to take good care of yourself..."

I lowered my head in silence. I knew Potato Chips was lying to me again. He didn't bring any messages back, nor did he mention anything about me, not a single word...

"Sanwu, don't worry. I think he's doing fine. Wasn't there a little girl whose breasts can rival Mai's who invited him to the fireworks display? I think he's very popular. There's no need to worry."

I raised my head and nodded vigorously, woodenly.

Potato Chips looked at me again as if to confirm, then sighed unconcealedly and went back to his room.

The lies she told were so fake, but the truth she spoke was so true. I should have not let her go.

And I can guess that, given Potato Chips' personality, he must have done something that he couldn't tell me. Not reliable at all, eh...

　Thanks to brother 20220703153922263 for the 500-point reward.

　　
　
(End of this chapter)