Chapter 247, Writing a Diary from Scratch (V)

I didn't wake up from this dream until the people over there found him. It was like someone poured a bucket of ice water over my face.

Dr. Herzog, this name is so old that it is almost disappeared from my memory, but once again, through the receiver, even after the voice changer, I still recognized his voice at once.

Even though he had asked me to leave the classroom early, my hearing was good enough to clearly hear the friction of the mechanical watch gears in the safe, and of course I could hear his conversation with Dr. Herzog.

I originally disagreed with his idea. Or I could say I was angry.

As a result, he convinced me with just an eye contact.

Why does he always have such a look in his eyes when he is with me? He always conveys his emotions to the heart and I can't even say a word of rebuttal.

He said he hoped I would always be with him.

Although he didn't use his mouth, everyone could tell what he wanted to express; it was clearly written in his eyes.

He is so stupid.

But I don’t know why he can hide so many things at such a young age. Every time he thinks he disguises himself well, but he doesn’t know that I can see into his heart with every glance.

I chose to give in again.

He opened the mirror pupil and aimed it at him.

Although I didn't know the reason, I trusted him so I didn't ask.

That was the first time he held my hand so tightly, as if he was going to lose me. I heard his heartbeat so fast and his body was trembling slightly.

I put my arms around his shoulders and for the first time, I threw myself completely and relaxed into his arms in exchange for his peace.

I was important to him, but he was also important to me. I realized that clearly.

Fortunately, he returned safely.

Although I was wounded, I was satisfied to be back. I didn't say a word about him going to meet Herzog alone. It seemed that in my heart, as long as we didn't talk about it, it would be like it never happened, and we would just turn the page.

I try my best to maintain the kind of warm and beautiful family relationship that I long for, but God always likes to make trouble for me.

I still had problems with my body that day. I thought it might be related to the fact that I went out early and came back late every day. With my bloodline, this was not a big deal, but my period suddenly came early that day.

The same thunderstorm day, depressing and dull, no warmth in the house, the darkness came from the past and extended to the future. Under the pain, all the fear and helplessness came back with the help of the environment.

I'm not afraid of pain, I'm used to it.

But I am afraid of fate, especially the fate I have experienced. That feeling of helplessness and seeing no hope is really, really annoying.

But even in my dreams, the past did not let me go. It changed its form and came back disguised as a terrible nightmare. I was trapped in the dream and was ravaged by the tragic memories over and over again. No one came to save me. Helplessness and despair, along with the dark thunder that pierced the sky, severely whipped my fragile body and numb nerves.

I really hate this feeling. I wish there was someone who could help me and not let me face this alone.

...The moment I shrunk into Zhuo's arms, it was as if I had caught the last ray of light in the darkness, and I just tried my best to get into his arms. Don't leave me, don't leave me, really don't, this is the only voice echoing in my mind.

His embrace is always so warm, and his unique, reassuring scent allows me to relax my tense nerves, and sleepiness quickly envelops my whole body.

Then the thunder gradually faded away, the darkness gradually dispersed, and all the monsters and demons around disappeared. In the dream, there was only the tune of a boy repeating over and over again to coax a child to sleep.

So silly.

When the pain passed and I came to my senses from my half-awake state, I was really scared because a pair of arms held me tightly in their arms.

He was very tired and sleepy. I could clearly feel the sweat on his chest. But even so, his arms did not relax at all. They stroked my belly as if they were determined to complete their mission. I was confused and terrified and dared not move, for fear that he would know that I was awake. In this way, I was like a little girl being protected in this embrace by a force that was difficult to break free from. The next day, I walked out of the room and looked down at his clean but frowning face sleeping on the sofa with his feet curled up. I actually began to feel a little dazed.

That was the first time I gave myself to someone for protection without reservation and relied on someone's embrace. He never knew that I had too many firsts, all of which were inadvertently left to this silly boy.

After that, I don’t know if it was because I indulged him too much, but he liked to treat me like a little girl and coax me more and more. The tone he spoke to me was always so gentle, even caring, and I didn’t find it awkward, and sometimes I would even tease him along with what he said.

This feeling is really strange.

And his dependence on me has reached a pathological level.

I benefited from it… I came here with a purpose, I shouldn’t have benefited from it, but I still benefited from it. Because I haven’t met someone who wants to protect and take care of me so wholeheartedly for a long time, and I also trust him.

So our lives became more and more harmonious, and he smiled more and more. What a wonderful life it was.

For nearly two years, I have been following behind him, watching him lead me forward step by step.

In his eyes, I always looked like a little girl who loved to show off. It seemed that any uncle rushing out of the street could trick me away, and others simply didn't care about me at all. I only had him in my eyes, and forgot to look at the road ahead of us.

The day I took him and Mai Potato Chips out for dinner, the strangeness of this relationship became apparent to me for the first time.

I didn't have a green and ignorant period, nor had I ever been in love. After my hasty escape, I lived almost every day to prove my own worth, like a machine working desperately for one goal.

But I accepted all his care for me like a dry well after a long drought, and I even enjoyed this kind of mutual giving life. But I never considered the source, motivation, and method, and simply regarded them as trust and compensation.

The conversation between Potato Chips and Mai severely burst this fragile bubble.

I became his girlfriend and he was taking care of me like a man.

The moment this thought flashed through my mind, my whole nerves were tense. My heart was beating so vigorously that it echoed in my brain. I even felt that my bloodline was out of control.

My face was almost instantly ignited by a raging fire. It was a feeling I had never experienced before.

I have never been so flustered, especially when I saw his face full of concern and confusion, this panic made me feel even more at a loss.

When we were in the car heading to the fireworks display, I was at a loss as to what to do and didn't even know whether to sit or stand.

I am like a traveler, walking alone in this fickle world for too long. The warmth of Zhuo penetrates my heart and makes it hard for me to let go. His safety has become real and urgent to me in a moment.

On the yacht.

I understood his hints, the look in his eyes, and what he wanted to say.

I chose to escape.

I need to calm down.

People often have blind confidence in the future. I fell into the trap I set, caught off guard.

I thought this kind of thing could be healed by time, I just needed some time.

But during that time, I felt no evidence that I was alive.

Although he had been away for a period of time, it never made me so anxious.

Now I always want to see him, always want to see him staying quietly and gently by my side. There are no complicated thoughts involved, not even whether I like him or not. Instead, it is more like a kind of spiritual completeness.

　Thanks to brother 20220703153922263 for the 500-point reward.

　　
　
(End of this chapter)