Chapter 500, Not That Simple

Opening a store is not such an ordinary thing.

This involved a lot of things that I wasn't good at, so I messed up.

First of all, I have to emphasize that I do not regret the decision I made at that time. Although I had learned about the Neon Gang in advance and was prepared for this, "If the money is not excessive, I can use it as a means to protect the store" - the other party was really unbearable.

The blatant gaze and frivolous attitude alone were enough to make people angry, but they clearly did not intend to stop there.

Having said that, I wasn't angry at the looks they gave me and the loud whistles, or rather, I just thought they were noisy. Rather than being angry, I just wanted to leave.

There is someone else who actually has the emotion.

He pretended to discuss "security fees" and covered my front as if nothing had happened. Compared with the people I often dealt with in the past, Zhuo's back was not very broad. Fortunately, I am not a tall and attractive woman, so if he just wanted to cover me, it was more than enough.

No, the word "more than enough" should not be used. It should be said "just right", with no room left to overshadow others.

If I'm being honest, this is not the first time I've felt safe in a shelter like this - I know Zhuo will get angry again if I say this. But this is the truth and there's nothing I can do about it, so if Zhuo sees this, please reflect on the "peek at my diary" before blaming me.

However, Zhuo probably won't see this passage.

My husband, Utsunomiya Sou, is a very idle person.

The meaning here is not derogatory, nor is it complimentary. Even if Zhuo always says that I am "beauty in the eyes of the beholder", I personally don't feel that way. This is just my objective evaluation.

The reason for saying this is that he has not participated in club activities like other students since high school, nor has he worked a part-time job; and although he lives alone, he usually has instant lunch boxes for dinner and does not spend any time cooking.

Of course, he didn't neglect his studies because of this. Before he accepted my guidance, his grades were not quite up to par, but he was able to maintain an average level; his home was messy, but it was not so messy that he couldn't live there... To sum up, he was not a person who could not do without anyone.

This is totally different from me.

Therefore, compared with students who live at home and participate in club activities, Zhuo spends most of his time alone.

He spent three years in this kind of alone time.

Great.

I am not praising this kind of solitary attitude towards life. I know there are many people in this world who live alone and work hard... What I admire is that Zhuo can maintain a positive and optimistic attitude even though he grew up in such an environment.

Even though I once used the term "nice guy", it was not meant in a derogatory sense.

I think maybe this is what makes me feel so great that I give such an evaluation that I am eager to escape. Because I have also been through similar times...

It’s painful to think about it.

Humans are social creatures. It's in our genes and I can't escape it.

Long-term isolation will make people forget how to communicate with others. Most importantly, it will make people feel depressed, impatient, and even irritable... It is no exaggeration to say that no matter whether you are standing, sitting or moving, you will feel as if there is a void in your heart, as if it can drive you crazy.

For this reason, I once practiced sign language in front of the mirror and talked to myself.

It’s not a very fondly remembered memory.

That’s why I say Zhuo is really amazing.

Even if no one cares about him, he will lend a helping hand when others ask for help, even though even I can see that they are "duty evasion".

Should we say he is worthy of being called Zhuo?

Even when it comes to the affairs of the mixed-blood world, he will remain aloof.

Although it cannot be said that he achieved it.

At the very least, in terms of not being ordered around by others, he can be said to be much freer than ordinary half-bloods.

He used this freedom to do nothing... Doing nothing is not a derogatory term, it is a compliment.

For example, when I was cooking, even after I pushed him out of the kitchen, I could feel his gaze from the door frame without turning my head. Sometimes I leaned against the door frame, sometimes I squatted, and even if there was nothing going on, I could still see him there when I turned my head.

Before this, I was not good at cooking, so I certainly didn’t like it. In other words, for a long time, I didn’t like it, nor did I hate it. I just did it because I had to do it.

This is the reason that makes me calm and even look forward to walking into the kitchen every day, apart from the satisfied look on my face after each meal.

——Only those who have truly experienced loneliness can empathize.

After feeling the same pain, some people will seek warmth, like me; some people choose to give warmth, and this is Zhuo.

After living together for a while, I thought I was "active" in getting up early every day to prepare breakfast... Breakfast is important, and it's satisfying to eat the first thing after getting up from bed. Because of this, I was self-satisfied for a long time.

Until one morning.

That day I got up as usual, and was ready to do everything before Zhuo opened his eyes. However, I didn't feel the warmth on my back, nor did I feel my arms and calves being held, which made me realize something.

After turning around, it was empty.

In fact, I roughly understood it, because the body temperature was still there, which also meant that the other party had just left not long ago, probably to the bathroom or something, which was not a big deal.

But the feeling of loss in my heart is indescribable.

Every day when I open my eyes, I can feel that someone is accompanying me and even hugging me. It turns out that I am the only beneficiary of this feeling of being needed and accompanied - I am deeply aware of this.

After I came back, Zhuo noticed how depressed I was. I shook my head and refused to explain, choosing to process the matter alone - because I felt guilty.

On the road of love, I am just a beginner with no experience and no talent. The reason why I feel easy and safe in this journey without anyone to teach me is that there are people who are enduring the burden in the relationship without me noticing.

My husband is that kind of person.

He is very free.

Also trying my best to be idle.

As long as I want, as long as I look back, I can see him standing, sitting or lying there leisurely... In short, he is there, always there.

There are many small things like this, for example, he who is always listless always pretends to be energetic when talking to me - I know that this is also to accommodate my performance, and this is not his style, but if both of us keep our conversations brief, then the communication cannot continue.

I have heard a saying: People who spend more time together become more and more alike.

I don’t know if I have learned the gentleness from Zhuo, but now I am no longer in a hurry to get up and prepare breakfast, but wait for the moment when he opens his eyes.

This period of time is about twenty minutes.

From this point of view, he was indeed influenced by me in terms of his lifestyle. As for me, it's a pity that I can't see myself objectively.

Those twenty minutes were not hard to endure, and I understood why.

My body was held in Zhuo's arms, one of his arms was around my back, the other hand was under my ear, and even my calves were pressed down by his other leg...so I didn't feel lonely during this quiet time.

This is just me.

What Zhuo was thinking about in the room during the twenty minutes when I left on my own initiative is unknown.

...

Now let me be clear about this not being the first time.

Actually, there is no need to explain this matter. After all, there are only these two men in my life.

Although both are safe and secure, the feelings are different. I don't think it's necessary to talk about this, if one day you read this and still can't figure out why.

Then you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight.

Parentheses, that’s all for the sneak peek. What follows is what you’ve experienced.

……

I have done prior research on gangs in Japan, maintaining a law and order environment and ensuring customers' street safety, etc... These are indeed things that businesses cannot take care of, and from a certain perspective, this money cannot be considered a waste.

But this can't be a reason for me to tolerate it.

My husband will be unhappy regardless of my own will.

So when Zhuo stood in front of me and was ready to settle the matter, but the other party just leaned over and said frivolous words to me, the dispute was bound to happen.

I repeat, I do not regret hitting them on the head with the ashtray I was holding in my hand for "gang entertainment".

Holding the ashtray in one's own hands was something Zhuo originally disagreed with, and I didn't expect it would become the fuse of the conflict.

Considering that I have to show my sincerity, I chose to do this when I offered tea and cigarettes to him. So it is wrong for them to be too indulgent.

I'm not trying to shirk my responsibility; I have no intention of doing so.

To be honest, I never thought that there would be a day when I would be teased by others. Frivolous words like "Miss, do you have time to go to KTV later..." have never appeared in my life before.

Because of my unfeminine manners and figure, I am often watched by others as if they were watching me. I know this. And it is difficult for me to have emotional fluctuations in the surroundings. Before I know it, people will see me as a bad guy who is difficult to approach.

I never expected that one day, the current situation would occur.

Do I look as weak as the girl outside the store who only dares to cautiously poke her eyes out to look around?
Am I also approaching the same state as Zhuo?
If so, it would be a happy thing for me.

Even so, this is not a reason to continue to tolerate.

So I hit them on the head in silence.

Of course, I don't really mean to smash it.

If we continue to tolerate, the other party will only continue to harass us in the future, thinking that we are weak and can be bullied, so this is necessary.

I am also aware that this action may cause some trouble, but compared to this, "being harassed" itself is what makes Zhuo more troubled and angry, so this thing itself is right.

My mistake was that I didn't expect Zhuo to use his arm to help me block the opponent's counterattack.

If you think about it carefully, this is only natural.

If we really fight with them, even if we win, there will be endless troubles in the future; even if we want to eradicate the troubles and defeat them, the reputation of this store in the province will be ruined...

It is reasonable that the boss lady resisted because she was bullied, and the gangster's unreasonable but justified counterattack was blocked by the boss's arm.

So, I thought Zhuo had already shown how strong he was, so I subconsciously ignored the fact that he would do this? Because such a strong explosion couldn't stain his clothes, so this matter was nothing to him... Did I ignore it?
In short, because of my inconsideration, Zhuo was injured.

That’s what makes me angry.

The object of my anger was not those people, and certainly not Zhuo who helped me to block this matter, but myself.

Sometimes I wonder, how much more has Zhuo made that I am not aware of, and how much is being silently carried out in places that I fail to notice?

Unfortunately, it is difficult to detect because it is carried out silently and is not easy to observe, but it can actually benefit people.

So Zhuo, is it because of me that you don't want to get involved in this complicated world?
They will definitely say something like parents, that those things are troublesome and of no benefit, and even if you have the chance to pretend to beep, you can't really let the world know, so it's a thankless task... something like that.

So is there any factor of mine involved?

Just like a wife and daughter in a war-torn area will definitely worry about whether their husband who joins the army can return on time.

When Zhuo helped me block the wood, I knew that I had no sense of security or relief. If possible, I would rather it hit my arm or head. I have suffered far more serious injuries than this. It can even be said that this was not considered an injury in my opinion.

This feeling is really strange.

It was clearly the one being protected behind, but it felt more painful than being pierced by a Desert Eagle bullet.

After the incident, Zhuo did not rest, but persuaded me for a while before going out. He must have gone to think of a solution.

I am really angry.

Because I found myself completely incapable of solving this problem.

After she left Mai, Zero was just a dull girl with nothing but violence. It seemed that those people were not wrong. She was really... weak and could be bullied.

…The matter is resolved.

The way things were resolved was not perfect, and it could even be said to be worrying.

But I had no reason to refuse.

Accepting the kindness of the Sheqi Eight Clans was considered free because no reward was asked for, or even if there was any reward, there was no way to pay it.

Free things are often the most expensive.

Even though I knew this, I couldn't refuse, so I agreed on my own initiative.

Even though I knew this might lead the Sheqi Eight Clan to make some tentative moves to get close to me, like the girl next to the old man I was talking to who looked a bit like me in Zhuokou...

Is it so annoying that my expression is so annoying?

I feel this way from the bottom of my heart.

To be honest, I don’t think I have anything in common with this woman, because she clearly has her own light in her eyes... Before this, Renata was not a girl who yearned for light.

Faced with the old man's hospitality and the girl's indifference, I had no choice but to compromise.

Even if I don't want to, it's my fault, so if you really have something with her that makes me unhappy, I will try to forgive you. After all, it's my fault.

But the Tamamonomae Club can't do that.

But I won’t tell you about this.

(End of this chapter)