Chapter 440. Paper from Zero's Past

"As it turned out, that attitude became the basis for the idea that "it's okay to have intersections," so it's not a bad thing."

"That's right, but now I think there should have been better ways to do it and express it."

Although it felt a bit like hindsight, Zhuo couldn't help but reflect on his own cold attitude, but Ling just raised his head and looked at him as if he was interested.

"Because at that time your nonchalant expression and cold attitude were very obvious. It was easy to tell that you wanted me to stay away from you."

"Uh, sorry."

"I'm not blaming you either."

Ling said this and slowly turned her head back to look at the paper again, but her behavior seemed more like she was trying to cover up something than doing anything. The evidence was that her hand holding the pen did not move any further.

"Are you laughing at me?"

"……No."

"I haven't seen you smile yet. Let me see."

"No……"

Although he could not detect a smile from her answer, Zhuo still felt that Ling was in an especially cheerful mood at the moment. In order to clarify his inner thoughts and to satisfy his desire to see her smile, Zhuo suddenly bent down and looked at her side face. As he bent down, Ling quickly turned her head away, to a direction that Zhuo could not see.

Zhuo rolled his eyes at her, but that only made Ling, who was on his back, feel even happier. Zhuo, unable to bear it, could only turn his face away.

Although there was no laughter, Zero was unable to continue writing his diary. Presumably, this silent 'chuckle' was still going on.

The person who felt uncomfortable at that time was Zero, so this level of teasing was nothing. But speaking objectively, being teased was not fun at all, but since it was Zero, I could tolerate it. However, it would be bad if I couldn't let myself see her face.

Zhuo sighed lightly, then stroked Ling's back with his fingertips as if nothing had happened as a revenge, and then felt her body tremble.

Even so, Ling had no intention of blaming him. He just slapped the thigh of Zhuo who was sitting next to him in retaliation.

Then she continued to write in her diary, perhaps writing down what had just happened.

If she wrote something strange and years later she would joke about it and say, "This kind of thing happened back then~", Zhuo would have complicated feelings, but he had no right to stop her, so he had to shut his mouth and watch Ling happily recording in the diary.

She didn't write every day, nor did she fill up a whole page every time. Coupled with the fact that the leather binding was quite aged, it can be seen that she must have started writing a diary a long time ago.

However, judging from the fact that only a few thin pages of paper were used, it seemed that not much was recorded in this diary.

"Do you care?"

Zhuo didn't look at the content, but stared at the way she wrote. Ling, who noticed his gaze, tilted his head and asked.

"Well - it would be a lie to say that I don't care. After all, those are the memories and feelings you have been writing down without my knowledge. They contain both beautiful memories and sad past emotions. If you don't want to show it to others, I won't force you to do so."

Zhuo also felt that his possessiveness was quite strong, but he could not restrain the other person just based on this idea.

He didn't want to put his own feelings first and invade the other person. Besides, he didn't think it would be better to know everything. Things that should be hidden should be kept secret. As long as it is not a matter of principle, there is zero freedom to speak out. Zhuo does not intend to force it.

"I also have things I don't want to talk about because I feel ashamed. If I put myself in your shoes, I shouldn't read your diary... Even if we are lovers, I am not so ignorant as to want to get to the bottom of everything. After all, everyone has one or two things they want to hide."

"Zhuo is just too considerate of others, which sometimes makes me feel very troubled."

"I'm talking to you..." For some reason, he got a helpless response from Ling, which made Zhuo a little confused, but he also knew that Ling's helplessness did not come from impatience, but more from appreciation, so he didn't say much.

"I understand... I was just wondering, aren't you curious?"

"…I'm not going to peek, just tell me what you're willing to share."

You just need to tell me what you want to share - Zhuo showed an attitude of respecting her intention, while Ling groaned, tilted his head in annoyance and looked into his eyes seriously.

"The things I want to share with you...would you find it weird if I told you everything?"

As Ling spoke, her slender fingertips began to flip the pages of the unfamiliar paper one by one. The pages were filled with many fonts that were even more childish than the current ones, and the range of change in these fonts was quite large. From what Zhuo could see, the age of the fonts became much younger with each page turned, appearing and disappearing as she flipped through the pages.

"I didn't write anything interesting. Rather than a diary, it was more like a simple record or report. I started writing something more like a diary after I returned to Russia. At that time, my mind was not very stable, so when I encountered something unpleasant, I couldn't accept it for a while, and occasionally I would express my dissatisfaction in my diary."

"I can't imagine it at all... If you call someone unstable, then wouldn't someone who loses his temper be a psychopath?"

"That's true. Losing your temper means that the person can't control his or her emotions, so he or she wants to vent or needs others to cheer him or her up. It's undeniable."

"Such sharp criticism... I will take note of it."

"Why are you depressed?"

"No, I just thought I've done a lot of this in the past."

Zhuo is not the kind of person who gets angry easily, and he doesn't have much interaction with others, let alone losing his temper with others, but he really likes to have Ling make him happy.

This kind of thing started before they became lovers, so Zhuo reminded himself again, wanting to use this experience as a lesson for the past and the future. However, Ling showed a thoughtful expression.

"...Zhuo, who is acting like a spoiled child, is quite nice."

"Even if your words without any intonation are convincing, I can't be proud of it."

"It's half a joke."

"half."

"No, I just think Zhuo's words like that are funny and cute."

"Men wouldn't be happy to hear comments like 'cute'."

Zhuo would not easily act like a spoiled brat or lose his temper with others, and this behavior would certainly not affect Ling.

If he was just being naughty out of jealousy, then he could be called cute, but Zhuo only looks childish on the outside, but he is already a mature adult on the inside.

Ling probably just wanted to see how Zhuo, who was always listless around him, would express his emotions, and he would not agree with his behavior of taking his anger out on others.

"Anyway, what I want to say is that I used to be even more clumsy in handling things. I was neither likable nor considered other people's feelings at all. My way of dealing with people was a complete mess. I even felt that I was really cold-blooded." "Not likable?"

"Why question that?"

"Just wondering what on earth you're talking about when you have the word likable written all over you?"

On the one hand, Ling has a clear understanding of his physical attractiveness, but on the other hand, he doesn't seem to have the awareness that he is likable. Therefore, in Zhuo's eyes, he only thinks, "What nonsense are you talking about?"

"Who was that person who said before that he didn't like people like me?"

"It was me who was blind at the time."

Zhuo now feels that he spoke too early and too arrogantly at that time, so now he feels really sorry for her. Now that Ling pointed it out, Zhuo's guilt surged up.

"…But as you said, I really wasn't pleasing to you at that time."

"No, no, no, if I saw the cold Ni now, I would definitely think he was super cute and cool."

"Isn't it true that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder?"

"Even if I look at it objectively, I think so. It's like a hedgehog."

In the past, Zero had always been creating an atmosphere of "don't get close to me". He never opened his heart to anyone, and refused to let others get close and kept his distance without any scruples. Even now, this has not changed. Or, Zhuo was a little selfish in this regard and did not think of asking her to correct this. She looked like a hedgehog with countless spikes.

The iceberg mode is the result of her long-term experiences, so Zhuo does not intend to comment on it. However, looking at Ling's current unguarded and exceptionally gentle appearance, if someone sees her, they will definitely doubt whether she is the same person with these two faces.

Zhuo had no intention of making fun of her or being perfunctory. Instead, he felt that even though she was so cold, she was very attractive to him.

He smiled slightly, while Ling narrowed his eyes slightly, not knowing what he was thinking.

"It should be more like a fox now—" Then a hand came and twisted the side of the waist.

The way he expresses dissatisfaction by twisting his flesh is really endearing.

"I was wrong. It was a kitten. A cute kitten."

In addition, Zhuo knew that she would only do this kind of intimate behavior towards him, which made her even more adorable.

"...Alas, you've turned into a more frank, spoiled, and lonely kitten than when we first met."

"…I can't be on my guard against you anymore, but you're still like a cat."

"The wild cat has become a house cat."

To be more precise, it should be said that there is no need to be vigilant about occasional occurrences.

There is no need for Ling to put on a show in front of Zhuo, because she believes that Zhuo will accept her without any disguise. This trust and the love poured out are what make Zhuo happy the most.

"...I wasn't very cautious in front of you at first."

"That is……?"

"Probably the time on the yacht. That night, Zhuo made me feel like a wolf that had finally bared its fangs."

"Uh, sorry."

"…You can pat my head to apologize."

Seeing Ling sticking his head out expectantly, Zhuo almost couldn't hold back his inner emotions and laughed. He stroked the soft hair with his palm.

Zero, who is obsessed with cleanliness, has naturally very soft light golden hair. His fingers can pass through his hair without any hindrance with just a slight slide, and a refreshing fragrance similar to that of washing will waft around.

Zhuo carefully combed the hair that had fallen from her shoulders with her fingers, making Ling's expression softer and gradually filled with a touch of happiness.

"Your Highness, is this okay?"

"Ah, very good."

As Ling said, she never concealed her joy, so it was no wonder that Zhuo had the illusion that she had grown a tail that was constantly shaking.

"Should we say you are more like a cat or a dog?"

"Did you say anything?"

"Nothing at all."

What Key said was too extreme, even Ling might get upset, so Zhuo swallowed his words back and patted the head of Ling who was being frank and coquettish.

Ling pretended not to hear it, and while accepting Zhuo's pat on the head, he leaned his body and gently leaned against Zhuo.

The diary in her hand still emphasizes her presence.

"…Are you still planning to continue writing?"

"…After you're done touching me, I'm going to write down what happened when you treated me like an animal."

"…I didn't, I'm not, it's impossible."

Ling may have decided to write. She opened her diary, and Zhuo realized that she had only used less than ten pages of paper for the past thirty years of her life. She opened the diary and stroked the place where she had just written halfway.

"Because I want to create a lot of memories. Just like this diary written from the past to the present, I hope these records can become my spiritual food."

Zero glanced through the "diary of the past twenty years" and finished recalling it. He squinted his eyes absentmindedly and stared at the words written in old and faded ink on one of the pages.

"...Sure enough, I can see that I was so empty and lonely before I was with you."

Zero did not feel any regret or dissatisfaction, nor did he look like he was upset. His mind just drifted to the past. He stated this with a nostalgic look and a soft voice, then turned to the latest page and closed his eyes quietly.

(End of this chapter)