Chapter 32 What should I say?

3 month 4 day.

early.

Mr. Su Ming has been very busy recently. Many foods in the supermarket have expired, so he needs to go out and find things with good expiration dates to bring back.

That was hard work.

Trekking alone, even though I am not traveling far away, I know that with Mr. Su Ming’s strength, I don’t need to worry.

But I still get scared.

My mood... It is now clear that I need Mr. Su Ming desperately. I’m so scared that I’ll feel sad if I don’t see you for just a while.

Contrary to what it appears.

I do feel shy unconsciously, especially if my sister is bullied by Mr. Su Ming when she is nearby or even next door... I will be very ashamed.

But deep down, I couldn't hide my joy.

Whenever I see Mr. Su Ming get excited, I will have a... shamefully strong reaction.

Mr. Su Ming said that I had become a pervert, but I didn't feel bad about it. The magazine I was reading also said...sex is best when both parties are involved.

Each of those clothes was more shameful than the last.

But I really like Mr. Su Ming staring at me intently. His breathing became rapid when he touched me, or he made me unable to exert any strength to hug me and just chat.

What exactly are you dissatisfied with?
After Mr. Su Ming and I became lovers, I could clearly feel that... than before, the eyes he looked at me had something else besides desire.

As the magazine mentioned, people who like each other will smile unconsciously even if they simply look at each other.

My eyes are becoming increasingly inseparable from Mr. Su Ming.

I didn't think so before, but now...maybe beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I really think Mr. Su Ming is the most charming person in the world. At least that's how it works for me.

"Sister, why do these socks have so many holes, like nets... won't they be cold?"

"..."

When my sister grows up, I may feel ashamed. But that doesn't stop you from fooling around now.

so lonely.

Mr. Su Ming had only left for less than an hour, and I felt very uncomfortable.

There is very little to do.

Because I knew Mr. Su Ming was very lecherous... So, there were many times when I would avoid my sister and go to Mr. Su Ming's room alone to take out those shameful suits.

Study how to dress well and how to... use the characteristics of clothes to be more attractive.

It's considered seduction.

But it should be no problem to enchant the man you like, who has already confessed his love and been accepted... by a man.

Not a bad feeling.

That day, she suddenly said she was interested in feet...she said she could play with them for a year, and then she was held up and kissed the feet wrapped in white silk, which was really shocking at first. But then I felt numb... It turned out that Mr. Su Ming still had many interests in himself that he didn't know about.

Would it be more exciting if the clothes underneath...are more exposed?
Mr. Su Ming once said that it is better to be half-covered than naked. It’s because he is not proficient in many aspects of knowledge... But Mr. Su Ming seems happy, so that’s good.

and so.

Why haven't you come back yet?

Although I have already said that it is a bit difficult to find supplies nearby, I want to find some good ones today...it may be a little late.

"I am back."

Hearing the familiar voice, I almost subconsciously ran out.

"Barbecue grill, a lot of frozen skewers, I really found something good this time."

I don't care at all what Mr. Su Ming brings back.

Just watch him to see if he's injured. No, just a little tired.

"Mr. Su Ming...I use my legs..."

"Hey, you secretly read strange magazines and learned new tricks?"

"...No, no."

"Really not?"

"I actually...saw Mr. Su Ming's phone..."

"what?"

"That...I deleted them all."

"?!"

"No, don't look at those... just look at me."

"Okay, okay, you read it secretly and deleted it for me, right?"

I hate that Mr. Su Ming is interested in other women. Even if it was only opened less than ten times, it was strange to see the woman in the video.

It’s normal to be jealous, right?
3 month 7 day.

The temperature difference between day and night is getting bigger and bigger. In order to keep warm, Mr. Su Ming said that he should go out and find more steel charcoal and bring it back.

I went out in the morning, and it's already ten o'clock in the evening, and I haven't come back yet.

I went to the roof and returned to my room many times. I wanted to wait directly at the mall entrance... But even though Mr. Su Ming said the mall was safe, I still didn't want to cause trouble for Mr. Su Ming. So I just waited inside the supermarket. "... Ugh."

After vomiting several times in a row, I picked up the pregnancy test stick that I had asked Mr. Su Ming to get back... there were two lines.

I have Mr. Su Ming’s child.

3 month 12 day.

I didn't say that I was pregnant.

It’s not that I don’t want to say it.

Instead, Mr. Su Ming came back later and later.

I started to have a very strong hunch... He wasn't just out looking for something, there was something else. I don't want him to do it, but it is the right thing to do in principle.

I get it now.

Why am I not satisfied?
I hope that Mr. Su Ming is always around...within the range of what I can see with my eyes open. No matter how shameful I am asked to do, I am willing and even happy to do it.

But recently the frequency of those things has gradually decreased. I also know that it’s not that he’s not interested in me, but that he’s... a little tired.

knew.

Except me and Xiaoxi. Mr. Su Ming also has a real sister whose life or death is uncertain.

Can I say to Mr. Su Ming, for me... forget your family? There is no way to say, I will definitely be hated. As a wife... you shouldn't say such things.

It's really painful.

Whenever Mr. Su Ming goes out, I almost feel suffocated.

"……Bon Voyage."

But I can only say these four words.

I can't say, please stay... I want to do my best to arouse Mr. Su Ming to be more interested in me, but I can't do that when I see his tired face. I even hope... that he can have a good rest. For this reason, I can stay up for a long time and stare at his face until I fall asleep unconsciously.

The future...no one can predict whether it will be beautiful or cruel.

I want to grasp the present more than the illusory future. I would be very happy if I could give birth to offspring for Mr. Su Ming within a limited time. Presumably Mr. Su Ming will too.

But now, if I say I have a child... will Mr. Su Ming be in a dilemma?
There are no doctors or hospitals here. I might cause extra trouble for Mr. Su Ming.

So, should we abort it? Will there be medicine in the pharmacy opposite?

"..."

I went there secretly but couldn't find any medicine.

My thinking is a bit confusing. I wonder if Mr. Su Ming will stop going out because I am pregnant? Even if it’s just for a while.

Could I have a mental problem?
The doctor also said at the beginning that it might not be noticeable...but I probably have symptoms of depression, mania, etc.

No.

If Mr. Su Ming really wanted to travel far, he would tell me instead of being suspicious. It was written in the magazine... The most important thing between husband and wife is trust.

"...Woo."

Mr. Su Ming came back later today than the day before yesterday.

It's past one o'clock in the morning and I haven't gotten back yet.

At first, I just wanted to use the pain to remind myself to wake up and stop thinking nonsense. But unknowingly it turned into... Using a utility knife to make a small wound and watching the tiny blood spill out, I could gain a brief moment of peace.

If one is not enough, I will seek more lasting pain.

Addicted.

No, if you do this again, you will be discovered...and disliked.

I must tell Mr. Su Ming personally after he comes back this time...what?
What should I say, because I'm scared...so please don't do anything and just stay with me? Just eat the bare minimum.

It will only make Mr. Su Ming... feel that he is a complete burden.

What should I do?
I couldn't bear it anymore, so I stretched out my hand and cut again...it hurt. It seemed that the cut was too deep, and more blood spilled out than usual.

It had to be fixed with a band-aid, and if it was discovered, it was said that it was accidentally scratched while using a kitchen knife. When Mr. Su Ming heard this, maybe he would choose to stay and take care of me because he loved me? Could the wound be wider or more serious?

"..."

Suddenly, I noticed a familiar figure emerging from the door.

"Mr. Su Ming!"

At that moment, I forgot that my wrist was still bleeding, and I almost subconsciously wanted to get closer, hug... and kiss.

"I don't understand, what's wrong with you?"

I didn't come back to my senses until my injured wrist was picked up and bandaged...

My self-harm was discovered.

"This, this is...accidental..."

wrong.

I was caught in the act, excuses don't work.

Unable to look directly into Mr. Su Ming's eyes, his teeth chattered uncontrollably.

(End of this chapter)