Chapter 23 Praying will only make people more empty

1 month 29 day.

After coming here for a few days, An Shiyao became more and more accustomed to it. Everything you need to do is clear.

Check the monitor...the equipment of the outgoing team, organize the ingredients, and observe the condition of vegetable seeds. The temperature was so low that the small artificial shed was only big enough to throw a few vegetable leaves into the rice.

Even so, everyone couldn't help but smile knowingly when they saw the results.

My sister didn't realize that Mr. Su Ming was away from home and had already become friends with other children... As long as children are not lonely, they won't think about many problems.

"Now, you and he are really not lovers?"

"……no."

I get asked this question all the time.

"Aren't you excited?"

"..."

"Well, even though he is a hermaphrodite...it's a bit weird, but his heart is still a man, and his physical structure also has male parts. The most important thing is...to be able to bring you and your sister from such a far away place, a man can no longer be a man. If some shameless guy hadn't hooked up with her first... I would have been tempted."

I know.

A woman sneaked in and out of Mr. Su Ming's room.

I also saw lip marks on Mr. Su Ming’s neck that were not made by me. But I shouldn't feel sad.

I should...feel relieved.

I have always been self-loving and independent, and I no longer need to be treated like an object by men. And it’s completely different from a supermarket, there are a lot of people here.

Every day, there are people who take turns monitoring everything outside day and night, and can deal with any situation as soon as possible. You can go to sleep peacefully.

If you are confused, you can also talk to a doctor who has taken psychology as an elective.

"Psychological dependence is actually very common."

"For example, pua...have you heard of it? After marriage, a woman loses her ability to be financially independent and has to rely on men for everything."

"Gradually you lose your status. Slowly, you get used to relying on others mentally. Even if you were once more independent."

"..."

"He is indeed capable. He is a real man for taking such a big risk to bring you and your sister back."

"But... there is no conflict between being courageous and lustful."

"It's up to you. If you can accept his irresponsible behavior, then you can continue to keep your own ideas."

"If you can't accept it, forget it as soon as possible."

That was just an accident.

The doctor looked at the injuries on his ribs and right hand, and found traces on his body after having sex with Mr. Su Ming. I can't explain it, but there are kiss marks on my chest...and on my inner thighs that make me imagine.

"People who fall in love for the first time often don't realize that they have fallen in love with the other person."

"It's understandable."

"..."

But I still feel something is wrong.

If what the doctor said is true, I have those feelings for Mr. Su Ming.

Then I...why yesterday, when Mr. Su Ming said he was leaving here, there was no retention...or even blessing.

"But it's not all his problem."

"At least, your attitude...may confuse him too. He doesn't know what kind of feelings you have for him."

"..."

I kind of don’t want to hear it anymore.

At times like this, I often ask the doctor to give me a candy. The medicine is too precious and should not be wasted.

Chewing, not thinking...walking out the door.

I saw the woman who hooked up with Mr. Su Ming at the welcome banquet... The figure and appearance may not be as good as mine, but I have an intuition... It was the first time for her to be like me. She might make Mr. Su Ming happier.

So are the rumors.

Mr. Su Ming said that he also has a sister. She is older than Xiaoxi and will go to college this year.

That’s why you loved Xiaoxi so much at first?

Now... he was going to look for his sister. He was going to a very far place again... The last time he went on a long trip, he almost died. "..."

I also do not understand.

Why do you want to cry so much? I couldn't help it at all... When I came back to my senses, I was already huddled in Mr. Su Ming's room, my tears completely uncontrollable.

I was shaking inexplicably in such a safe place.

I don't want...and don't want him to come back. I regret...why didn't I express my opinion?
Even if I can't explain the motive clearly, if I tell you, will Mr. Su Ming give it some thought?
Scum.

Fetish.

Foot fetish.

……

But I really couldn't help myself, especially after coming back from the doctor, I almost unconsciously came to this room.

I recall the first time I met Mr. Su Ming, and then those shameful things... and then later, Mr. Su Ming saved me again and again.

I suddenly remembered the first time I did that kind of thing... Mr. Su Ming stopped several times and asked me if it hurt.

I also remember that after I got injured, Mr. Su Ming always didn’t want me to do anything.

Thinking about it again... Mr. Su Ming didn't know why, he pretended to be ugly and acted as a mount for his sister, which made her very happy.

asshole.

You...you have obviously served so hard, why...?
Are experienced women that good?

I can too.

Am I also trying to become less jerky?

What did you do wrong? To make yourself so weird.

Hug the quilt that Mr. Su Ming was covering...like a pervert, sniffing deeply. There are the smells of other women... I'm looking for the scent that I really want in there.

It's almost impossible to deny it anymore.

I was just... attracted. I had never met a man like Mr. Su Ming. I had never thought... I suddenly realized that he was someone who would completely disregard his own life to escort me and my sister.

Why do that? What a fool.

"..."

That is someone who has completely taken away his body and mind.

But why... After that, he swept himself away as if he were trash. No longer needed.

I was angry all the time.

I was angry because Mr. Su Ming had already said that he would treat me like an object, and because he truly felt that I was being treated like an object.

What's the difference here?
Just living with vain and ridiculous hope.

Might as well... be in the supermarket. Mr. Su Ming will only look at me. Just me. If you can... don't have to wear that kind of thing, have Mr. Su Ming's protection, get pregnant, and give birth to offspring... just treat it as a new beginning, with new hope, wouldn't it be good?

Why look for life in a world that is definitely destroyed.

Mr. Su Ming's quilt was soiled again. But I don't want to wash them off... I hope they know that I am... It turns out that I am Mr. Su Ming's favorite.

“Have mercy on the Blessed Virgin Mary…May God’s mercy grant us blessings in the face of pain and fear…”

"..."

Religious people pray every day. The doctor said that there were only two elderly people at first, but later it became more than ten. Compared with the chaos, it is not a bad thing to have one's own faith at this time.

But if people from the Snow Country believe in foreign gods, will they really be blessed?

I pray too.

Probably completely meaningless. It's just something you do when nothing can be done and it's too late.

"King Yama...you understand justice well and have seen many joys and sorrows...please have mercy on me."

"Grant...Mr. Su Ming the luck to escape unharmed in the face of danger..."

"Nandou Star Lord, Beidou Star Lord...please take note of Mr. Su Ming's heroic efforts in helping me and my sister without fear of life and death... bless him... bestow blessings on him..."

"..."

really.

Praying this kind of prayer...doesn't take away any emotion at all for me, it just makes me feel emptier.

(End of this chapter)