Chapter 133 5.1 Extra Bonus: Some Unrecorded Feelings

We are back from the shelter.

"After you go back, leave the big things to me."

"I'll leave the small stuff to you."

Mr. Su Ming seemed a little worried about me.

I felt like I would have a bad feeling after I left the shelter and went back.

how could be?

Originally, I didn't feel the need to stay in the shelter.

The people there are different from me.

Ok.

I'm pretty much the same, I don't have any expectations for the outside world.

I don't want to have it either.

Anyway, it will be the same when I go back. After graduation, I may inherit the family business.

No matter how much I hate it, that will be my life.

Maybe it's the sin of pride.

But I really hate the filter that was put on me since birth.

Money, background, looks.

But that was before.

just now.

I think...at least in terms of appearance, I like this filter.

I never felt this way before.

I mean, I want to be prettier and more attractive or something.

I would worry too.

After all, Mr. Su Ming is 25 years old and I am only 18 years old.

Age difference... is exactly 7 years. It means that Mr. Su Ming was in kindergarten and I was not yet born.

Supermarket.

Sometimes, Mr. Su Ming goes out.

I stayed in the house and waited. Come to think of it, isn't it like a wife waiting for her husband to come home?
I will get pregnant.

Ever since I said I wanted to have a child, Mr. Su Ming has never used a condom.

Really.

Fool.

Even if we want a child, I will definitely become more and more weird. I can still resist asking Mr. Su Ming for it now, but what about in the future?
someday.

I read magazines.

I happened to see someone mention that a man’s favorite is always his first love.

"First love? Of course."

A very touching little story.

It's also very simple.

Mr. Su Ming had a crush on someone, but he didn't confess his feelings until he graduated from high school. When he entered society and accidentally flipped through the graduation document sent by the girl, he found a letter hidden behind the photo frame.

My heart clenched tightly.

"What happened next?"

"Have you met her since entering society?"

have met.

It's time to talk about marriage.

"..."

Lie to me.

But I couldn't stop my tears.

I always have a lot of questions hidden.

such as.

Am I being naive? I am only 18 years old and have not experienced many things.

such as.

I've never been in love.

Is what you are doing now correct? It is not good to have the burnout period after the passionate love period as described in magazines.

Mr. Su Ming probably didn't expect that I would cry so hard.

I was also panicked.

"puff."

Inexplicable.

I thought, since Mr. Su Ming lied to me.

Then there is no first love.

I am first love.

Then, Mr. Su Ming...as expected, he also likes me and is concerned about me.

“Is there anyone in the world who can cry and laugh at the same time?”

"Yes. That's me."

“Strange.”

"Mr. Su Ming is the one who is surprised. If he is infected, he can just touch it and it will be fine."

"...You make me look very lascivious."

"Is not it?"

"Yes."

"..."

Another question suddenly occurred to me.

"Then if it wasn't me who was touched, but the doctor's or another woman's... would it be okay?"

"No. No other woman would be as crazy as you. Once you're handcuffed, you dare to do whatever you want to me."

"..."

I want to talk to Mr. Su Ming about many things.

But I can say.

It's nothing but family and school. I have never entered the society.

When I talk to Mr. Su Ming about school matters, I always feel... that I appear very childish.

“I think it’s pretty good, actually.”

"Honestly, I am like this. I have a younger girlfriend. I understand what she doesn't understand. She hasn't experienced the pollution of society, but I have. She can still retain her innocence."

"..."

My heart is beating fast.

So, is this how I am in Mr. Su Ming’s eyes?
That’s true.

I can freely admit that I am not yet qualified to call myself an adult.

But I retain a bit of innocence.

"So, can this still be considered naive?"

I hit Mr. Su Ming's weak spot.

"You are so naive. After all, it is difficult for a girl who has experienced social pollution to do such a thing with a red face like you."

"Haha, then Mr. Su Ming is the bad guy? He made me like this."

my mood.

Maybe if we really want to say, it’s similar to Lin Daiyu?
Sentimental. Thinking a lot.

But I've never loved anyone before, and this is the first time. Without reservation.

Mr. Su Ming likes black stockings.

I will wear it.

Whatever Mr. Su Ming likes, I will think about how to make it better.

When I have time, I will study food.

No need to think so much about the future. Anyway, no matter what, I will stay with Mr. Su Ming.

It's my first love. Me too.

"That……"

"I look innocent, if I hadn't been polluted."

"Let Mr. Su Ming pollute me."

"Make me...lustful too."

I think there is something wrong with that sentence.

That is to say, love is the call of one soul to another soul.

However, if it resonates with the person I love, it proves that I really love him.

and so……

It's your first love, there won't be another one. There will only be me.

It's really annoying.

If this continues, I will definitely get pregnant.

When the time comes... during the pregnancy, what will the lustful Mr. Su Ming do?

"You think too much. No matter how scared I am, I can never play the pregnant woman game."

"Just bear with it for a few months. No big deal."

"..."

"Okay. When the time comes, I will satisfy Mr. Su Ming in other ways. I promise."

"So, don't cheat on me when I'm pregnant. A magazine said that men are most likely to cheat when they're pregnant."

later.

Mr. Su Ming is dead.

I think about these memories often.

I think.

if……

Mr. Su Ming can appear in front of me again.

It doesn't matter. Even if I cheat, so what? It's better than dying.

If love is the response of soul to soul.

Then, my soul... must have been entangled and a piece of it was also pulled away when Mr. Su Ming died. It can no longer be complete.

I often visit Mr. Su Ming's tombstone.

Pray alone.

'In the next life.'

"Don't ever meet a troublesome woman like me again..."

'Don't save me again.'

"Then... you won't die."

First love.

How cruel.

Compared to what the magazines say, other people will feel pain for a long time after they walk out. I’m afraid I won’t be able to walk out.

so.

'still……'

'Save me.'

"If I could start over again, I would definitely stay with you no matter what..."

This is also a dream.

wake up.

Mr. Su Ming was beside me, and I was in his arms.

He asked me why I was crying.

"Don't ever leave me again. Okay?"

accepted.

The span is too long and there are many changes.

But I certainly haven’t changed.

How is Mr. Su Ming now?
Will you still regard me as your first love?
Do you still want to pollute my innocence?

"Don't abandon me..."

"I will, really... give it to you. That is, a kind of agreement. It's strange though."

"You really are... a self-absorbed, lustful, arrogant, perverted, and fetishist..."

"But, this person is my first love. He will also be my only love."

"..."

What else did you say.

But I don’t feel abnormal at all.

On the contrary, I miss it very much.

Yes.

Mr. Su Ming is such a person.

When I cry, he will deliberately ruin the atmosphere. An alternative way of comforting me.

"don't want……"

"I will wear a sling for you tomorrow. Okay?"

Fool.

It would have been enough for her to just agree, but she insisted on discussing with me the types of suspenders and the chubbyness of my thighs.

such.

I want to go to the gym right away.

"Stop talking about meat..."

"Besides, next time during the holidays... I will arrange overtime for you."

What will happen next?
I don't know what kind of person Xia Ye is. But I know that she also has feelings for Mr. Su Ming.

Whether it's being in a relationship or sharing your boyfriend with others.

It's all a first for me.

As a girlfriend, I must be easy to talk to. I will accommodate you in everything.

But so what?
He is not dead and can reappear in front of me. This is not a dream.

Too much to ask……

Just think about it. After all, I thought about it in front of the tombstone. No matter what, as long as Mr. Su Ming is still alive... I am willing to do anything.

Even if I am a stupid woman, I don't hate this way of thinking.

One night I burned all my memories, and from then on my dreams became transparent; one morning I threw away all my yesterdays, and from then on my steps became light. This is from Rabindranath Tagore's poem.

But I had the opposite understanding.

One night, I recalled all my memories. From then on, my dreams disappeared. One morning, I picked up all yesterdays, and from then on my body felt relaxed. The premise of remembering and picking up is that the core person returns.

"You are just like in my dream."

"I was crying and laughing at the same time. I feel like this could be listed as the ninth wonder of the world."

"..."

This is how I am.

Normally, my mood is not affected by others, but Mr. Su Ming can easily influence me.

"Does Mr. Su Ming have any comments?"

"No."

"It's all your fault."

"?"

“So you have to take responsibility.”

It's not just Mr. Su Ming who is responsible.

I can do it too.

I have to take on the responsibility of making Mr. Su Ming like me more than before.

(End of this chapter)