Chapter 115 Ikea Diary
So, I'm stuck in Ikea. Sounds like a classic bad joke. The lights went out at 10pm. Almost gave me a heart attack, a loud clang followed by total darkness. There are plenty of beds in the place, and my phone can be used as a light - but there's no fucking signal - so I found a bed and went to sleep. Spent most of the next day looking for an exit to no avail. Did find a restaurant that had meatballs though, so at least I wouldn't starve to death here. The punchline to the joke. Anyway they were still warm and fresh, but I didn't see anyone cooking around. Maybe I should go back to the bed before it gets dark, can't search in the dark.

It's 9:10 AM and the lights are just coming back on. I must have searched the entire area and the exit is obviously not here, so I have to find a direction and hope for the best.

On the third day of the Magic IKEA Mysterious Adventure, someone may wonder how I determine the time. First of all, I can look at my phone. Secondly, the light switches here are regular, turning off at a certain time and turning on at a certain time, so you can judge the alternation of day and night based on the light switches.

I wasn't sure this place was weird before, but now I am. I walked in a straight line for about 3 hours (insert IKEA joke here) and then walked through the ladder to a huge stack of shelves.

I climbed up to get a direction, and the place seemed to stretch to infinity. It was like a scene from The Lion King, except the trees and grasslands were replaced by shelves, tables, and garbage. I did see some people moving around not far away, so I went over.

At first I thought it was an employee - it was in uniform.

But damn it was a maybe, maybe 7 foot tall monster with long arms and short legs and no face, the kind of thing they want working at Super Ikea. But the thing completely ignored me, and since it had no eyes or ears, I wasn't even sure it knew I existed. Thought about throwing something to get its attention, but his hands were big enough to crush a watermelon, so I thought I'd forget it.

It kept going like this until it eventually disappeared from sight, so I decided to continue on my previous path.

Anyway, no comfortable bed tonight. It seems I have entered the hard and pointy table area of ​​this shop.

I'll probably have to make do with some tablecloths. My phone died today too. It's useless, but I feel like I just lost a critical lifeline.

Have you ever seen that scene in cartoons where you go through a door in a hallway and then come out through another door in the same hallway? That's how I felt right now. All I saw for 2 whole days was the same exact bookshelf.

Row after row after row. I mean, come on, I love books as much as the next person but this is too much. I'm definitely still moving forward, I can see signs passing overhead. But sadly none of them say "EXIT".

Not sure who I’m writing these questions to.

Let's just call it my post-I-leave-this-place autobiography, "My Extra-Normal Journey into a Regular Old IKEA".

If I can get out
Finally I found someone else! I'm not the only one stuck here.

Lucky me, I guess. My sixth night here.

2 employee monsters came at me in the dark, not quite the same as the first one I saw, but still a mess. Heard them coming, they were saying something about the store closing and I had to leave, in a friendly and polite tone. I'm not sure what was weirder: that they had no mouths at all, or that they were trying to kill me while they were saying it. Came running at me like a mad dog.

So I ran. Sprinted through Ikea in the dark like a fucking lunatic. But just as I left a bunch of giant shelves I saw it, lit up by torches and floodlights. They've built a whole town here!

They built a giant wall out of shelves, bed boards, tables, etc. I swear to god it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Anyway I think they saw me coming (or heard my -[Deleted Line]sissy-[Deleted Line]-manly horror screams) because they opened the door and two of them waved me in. After the door closed I could still hear the staff banging on the door and still politely informing us that the store was closing. But eventually they left.

They call this town "Exchange" because that's what the sign hanging from the ceiling says. Returns and Exchanges.

Lights they found hooked up to the wires to light up the night. There were beds and food and people. Over 50 wonderful people with normal limbs and faces. This was my seventh night here and the first night not in darkness. A full week in IKEA. This could be a TV show somewhere.

Now that I'm around people, I'm starting to feel a little more normal. Maybe normal isn't the right word. But after a week with only the sound of my own footsteps for company, I'm increasingly certain I'm going insane. I'm going to be locked in a padded room somewhere and bang my head against the wall. But no, I feel pretty sane, thank you!

It seems there are still some towns here. Some with more people, some with less. I find it incredible - how could so many people disappear and no one notice. Someone must have noticed that everyone went to Ikea and then just fucking disappeared. Or maybe not everyone. Maybe we're just the lucky ones.

People here just call these employee monsters employees.

It seemed like they were fine during the day, just wandering the aisles minding their own business.

Once the lights go out they go fucking crazy. So during the day people can go find food, water and anything they need. There seem to be restaurants and shops that get restocked at irregular intervals.

No one knows what's going on. Maybe it's the staff's fault. It seems they aren't very good at their job either, as restocking sometimes takes a while, which means they need to conserve food.

Maybe they could do more if they weren't so busy catching people in the dark.

In short, when night falls, the employees go crazy and everyone has to stay inside the wall.

Apparently this is happening everywhere in this place, wherever the hell this place is. Uh-IKEA, where all the other IKEAs spring from. Or maybe we're just in a regular IKEA and this is all just a crazy dream born out of mind-numbing boredom. Who knows.

Been here for 10 days now. Most people I asked said they had lost track of the days, but one person, Chris, said he had been here for several years.

several years.

There seem to be rumors that people have managed to escape. And those who have seen the exit, just say it disappeared before their eyes. I don't think everyone believes this, but I do.

Would explain (partially) why we're stuck here in the first place. I mean, come on, staff monsters, endless amounts of high-quality Swiss furniture. I don't understand why they just don't want to believe in disappearing doors.

(End of this chapter)